It will be busy, noisy, messy fun and I will love it

It's almost Xmas. Can you believe it?

The past few months have been a bit of a whirlwind for us, lots of big changes in the family, I guess it's to be expected as everyone follows their own destiny. I feel like I'm just an observer, the things going on around me affect me but aren't necessarily about me.  I seem to be the only one who's not undergoing any major changes... is that a good thing?  I don't know.

My baby boy turns 21 on Sunday. Now that's a milestone. I no longer have kids  I have adults.  I have 3 amazing adults really, I feel extremely blessed that we have managed to come through the difficult years of adolescence relatively unscathed and they still love to have their father and I involved in their lives. The three of them have so many wonderful qualities, I couldn't be more proud.

I get a little envious, the world is their oyster, they have so many choices in which direction their lives take. It's exciting times.

In January I will have them all living at home for a little while.

It will be busy, noisy, messy, fun and I will love it.

I will also have my sister and her two kids here over Xmas and into the new year as she makes the move from WA back to NSW where she belongs, another life change which affects me, though isn't about me.

It will be busy, noisy, messy fun and I will love it.

I'm happy I will be spending time with all the people I love the most in the world, their lives may be changing, mine is not.... I guess I am the constant amongst the chaos.

I am lucky.

One year ago today.....

This time last year, we were finalising the packing, unpacking the things that didn't fit.  Double checking the passport, visa, travel documents and then heading down the highway.  You can read more about this here A week is a long time

The year has flown.  My beautiful daughter has spent her first Christmas away from home, probably the hardest time for her, and also her 22nd birthday.  She's travelled to places I can only dream about, Spain, France, Scotland, Austria, Italy just to name a few.  She's also held down a full time job, rents a room in a London apartment and has loads of new friends.

It's not been all rosy, to use her words she lives in "Struggle Street". Wages are low and rents are high. How she manages to save and travel is a credit to her, this is a girl who would think nothing of blowing a weeks wage on an outfit for the weekend and would never have stepped inside a backpackers hostel.

She's grown into an independent and sensible young woman and although I miss her dreadfully, I am so proud.

This week I'm grateful for..... family

I've been looking for a bit of a theme for my blog, something to force me to write and give me a little inspiration.  I've read a few "This week I'm grateful for" posts and am blatantly stealing the idea. So here's my first "This week I'm grateful for" post:

This Week I'm Grateful for family

 As it gets nearer to Christmas, and I await the arrival of my daughter home from Uni and my sister and family from W.A. I can't help but be glad we are a somewhat functional family. Christmas is a time we all get together and just hang out.   Xmas day we have the arrival of my parents, aunties, cousins and their families, a total of about 25 people for lunch and the same again on Boxing and the conversations often start where they left off the year before.

There will be a little sadness for me this year as my daughter Lauren will spend her first Xmas in the UK, though I'm feeling very grateful for Skype.... we're going to have present opening with her.

All in all though, I'm very grateful to have such a wonderful family.

What are you grateful for?

My beautiful Nanna

I consider myself a lucky person,  I have been fortunate to have the most wonderful Nanna in my life for 47 years.

When I was little I adored my Nanna,  she knitted me all sorts of lovely dollies, taught me card games, and doted on me.  My sister and I were the only grandchildren and as I was the first born, I always felt a special bond.  I have only the best memories of Nanna,  I can't ever remember her being cross at me, I was loved unconditionally simply because I was hers.

My favourite memory was of Nanna taking me shopping and buying me some long plaits made from stockings on a headband from a craft stall.  I thought I was the ants pants, flicking my plaits back over my shoulders and hearing Nanna telling me how beautiful I looked whilst we walked around the shops.

My childhood memories are wonderful, but I must say I've enjoyed watching her relationship with my 3 children.  It's been a mutual adoration society from the minute they were born.  Nanna was always ready for a board game, happy sit outside and count cartwheels, or time how long it took to run around the back yard.  Whatever they wanted to do she was in boots and all.   She had a "lolly fairy" living in her bathroom cupboard in a little container stuck to the inside of the cupboard.  That lolly fairy never missed a trick,  every time it was checked delighted squeals errupted, this went on for many years even after they'd cottoned on to the real fairy.

Nanna used to sleep over Xmas eve and she was more excited than the children,  often it would be a 3 am start with my three squashed in a single bed with her waiting for the sun to rise.

As she got older and a little more frail, the relationship with my kids changed.  They started looking out for her.  Helping her up stairs, into cars etc.  It often bought tears to my eyes to see my rough and tumble then 15yo son opening the car door for Nanna and gently helping her out.

Aside from being devoted to her family,  Nanna has done lots for the community.  Over the years she's been an active member of Red Cross (particularly Telecross), she's knitted, crocheted, quilted for many organisations.  I remember her knitting tiny little bonnets etc for prem babies in hospital and stuffed special cushions for mastectomy patients.

About 3 years ago, Nanna fell ill and required dialysis 3 times a week (left over from the Bex and a lay down era).  She took this in her stride, always chirpy and outwardly happy, no matter how ill she felt.  This meant the end of her stays with us and made it more difficult for visits.  We all skyped her on Xmas day and she said she felt like the queen, we tried to call and visit as often as possible but unfortunately it sometimes wasn't often enough.

Nanna always lived by the motto "use it or lose it"  so she would continue to crochet and donate her crafts, and even toward the end when she was mostly in a wheelchair she would use her walker to walk lengths of the hallway to keep strong. 

About 2 weeks ago, Nanna was admitted to hospital for what was to be the last time.  We had what we thought was "the" phone call.  She wasn't responding and not expected to last through the night.  We were all coming to terms with the inevitable when the next morning her Dr came in to see her and she opened her eyes and said "Nick, why haven't I been put on dialysis, you know I'll die if I don't"  He was stunned and so it was off to dialysis and she slowly fought to improve.  This was the photo of her Sunday walking the halls so she would be strong enough to go home this week.

Sadly Sunday night, my beautiful Nanna suffered a stroke and passed away early hours of this morning.  She was 88 years old.  It's a difficult time for our family as we try to come to terms with it.  We just have to be strong and count our blessings, we were so very, very lucky to have had this amazing lady in our lives for so long.

We will be making  a donation to Kidney Health Australia in honour of Nanna.

Mothers Day? You've got to be kidding

I've decided I need to come out of the closet, not the sexual closet, the Waltons Closet.....

I grew up watching The Waltons, The Brady Bunch and other such similar family shows. These days I kid myself that my family get togethers will resemble that of a Walton family meal.... my husband warns me but I will not listen. Pfft, I tell him, what are you talking about I reply as he reminds me of our last get together...... so Mothers Day I had eldest daughter, son, husband, Brother in law and niece booked for a wonderful mothers day lunch at the vineyards.

Both my children were massively hung over as they'd been to a Music Festival the day before.... son thought it was ridiculous having mothers day the day after a festival.... I should have seen the signs...

All was going well, if not a little tense, I was sipping my bubbles, ignoring snide remarks from brother and sister (who normally get on like a house on fire)..... then all of a sudden I heard the words "he didn't go to a dog farm, he got put down"...... I froze.... I won't go in to detail only to say it went down hill from there......

Needless to say next mothers day I'm booking myself into a day spa.... feck the lot of them!

I do love my family but need to realise we resemble the Walkers from Brothers & Sisters far more than the Waltons....

Mother - a powerful word

As many of you know, my children have all left home, I'm coming into a different stage in my life, trying to define who I am now I'm not a full-time mother (I mean I am still their mother, but the day to day stuff is not my responsibility anymore).

Mother - a powerful word. For most of us when we become mothers, it's as though we're finally complete, this is what life is all about, our days of playing dolls and dress ups are over, this is the real fairytale.

In our family, we had decided early on that I would be a stay at home mum, let's face it - it was my all time dream, my husband would work and be the "breadwinner". We have always been happy in these roles, it's only now when I look back and wonder how different my life would be now had I had a career as well as a family... but no point looking back, I didn't and I loved every minute (well most minutes) of it.

Mother - a powerful word. When people hear the word mother, it can conjure up many different emotions. I always thought a mother should be able to bake, sew, mend, keep a spotless home and look fabulous whilst doing it - I think I watched too much TV as a kid. Often while my children were growing up I've felt inadequate as I can't sew or mend, I don't bake, I don't do crafty things, I definitely don't keep a spotless home, sometimes I have to wonder what I'm good at. I asked my husband this the other night and he said I was "loyal and kind" I think he was talking about the dogs. After 24years I would have preferred "drop dead sexy and amazing" but alas, it's not to be.

Mother - a powerful word. In our extended family, without naming names, we have a 16yo girl who's parents have recently separated. Unfortunately this separation has gotten extremely ugly and has resulted in the girl moving away with her Dad. We've had many phone calls from people shocked to hear of this and the same theme throughout has been "how can you separate a child from her mother?" The image is that this girl has been dragged away from her poor helpless mother. The reality is that the father in the family has been the primary caregiver for all of her life. Sure the mother gave birth, but as for the rest of the nurturing, the father's taken on that role. The mother in this scenario, has been carving her career in the corporate world, being the main bread winner. This has always worked fine for them. Unfortunately the marriage didn't work out so we come to the mother word again. To me the "mother" in the family has been the father, so it came to no surprise to me that Miss 16 would choose to live with him and move thousands of kms away from mother.

What does the word mother conjure up in your mind?

What they remember

It's funny when your children get older and you look at past events their interpretations can be completely different.

Last week we were all chatting, the conversation turned to playgrounds/parks after my 19yo son mentioned his mate had recently stopped at a local park to use the mens room and whilst doing his business he spotted a penis being pushed through a hole from the next stall - yes you read that right. It turns out this park, where I used to take my children is now an unsavoury pickup place.

The general consensus was that when they had kids, they (being 19, 21, 22) wouldn't take their children to public parks are they are "disgusting". I mentioned that it's not all bad, and for them to remember I'd never let them go to the toilets at said park without an adult.

My 22yo then says "Mum remember when we went to Paterson Park and I wanted to go over the embankment and you said 'No because there could be dirty men in the bushes who want to touch you'" (I know I've stuffed up my speech marks there). Miss 22 then said, "I was always scared after that to go anywhere near bushes." I looked at her in horror and said I wouldn't have just come out and said that.

My version of events -
Miss 22 then 11: Mum can I go over the embankment down to the river?
Me: No, because I can't see you
Miss 22 then 11: But Mum everyone else is allowed
Me: No, I don't like you being down there without an adult
Miss 22 then 11: but there's other kids down there
Me: I'm sorry, but no you're not going, it's not safe
Miss 22 then 11: You never let me do anything (scowling face) why can't I go
Me: (exasperated) because there could be dirty men in the bushes who want to touch you

After I had told her my version, she agreed that it was more likely the scenario. It still surprised me that she had subconsciously chosen to forget the lead up to the life altering sentence I spat out. I wonder what else she "remembers"