I often find myself cringing at some strange thing someone has just said, only to realise it was me who said it. It's so frustrating. I'm a reasonably intelligent person, not super smart but smart enough to function quite well, but I often find myself saying the most ridiculous things, particularly in social situations.
On Saturday we were at the races and I was chatting to a friends husband as he was telling me he'd bought a few hundred acres and was planning to farm goats (rivetting stuff I tell you) So me, trying to sound interested asked the question "Do you need to lock the goats up at night in case there's wolves?" He looked at me strangely and said "ummm no" My darling husband quietly informed me we don't have wolves in Australia. Well I know that!! I really do!!! I meant to say foxes as we have problems with foxes at out place. Why the f*ck did I say wolves? I blame the alcohol but seriously this kind of thing happens all the time. I've called a tentacle a testicle and a pedicure a pedophile!!! I kid you not! The list goes on.
It's like the brain is playing tricks on me, trying to trip me up. Maybe I have some sort of disorder. Does anyone else have this problem?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Mother - a powerful word
As many of you know, my children have all left home, I'm coming into a different stage in my life, trying to define who I am now I'm not a full-time mother (I mean I am still their mother, but the day to day stuff is not my responsibility anymore).
Mother - a powerful word. For most of us when we become mothers, it's as though we're finally complete, this is what life is all about, our days of playing dolls and dress ups are over, this is the real fairytale.
In our family, we had decided early on that I would be a stay at home mum, let's face it - it was my all time dream, my husband would work and be the "breadwinner". We have always been happy in these roles, it's only now when I look back and wonder how different my life would be now had I had a career as well as a family... but no point looking back, I didn't and I loved every minute (well most minutes) of it.
Mother - a powerful word. When people hear the word mother, it can conjure up many different emotions. I always thought a mother should be able to bake, sew, mend, keep a spotless home and look fabulous whilst doing it - I think I watched too much TV as a kid. Often while my children were growing up I've felt inadequate as I can't sew or mend, I don't bake, I don't do crafty things, I definitely don't keep a spotless home, sometimes I have to wonder what I'm good at. I asked my husband this the other night and he said I was "loyal and kind" I think he was talking about the dogs. After 24years I would have preferred "drop dead sexy and amazing" but alas, it's not to be.
Mother - a powerful word. In our extended family, without naming names, we have a 16yo girl who's parents have recently separated. Unfortunately this separation has gotten extremely ugly and has resulted in the girl moving away with her Dad. We've had many phone calls from people shocked to hear of this and the same theme throughout has been "how can you separate a child from her mother?" The image is that this girl has been dragged away from her poor helpless mother. The reality is that the father in the family has been the primary caregiver for all of her life. Sure the mother gave birth, but as for the rest of the nurturing, the father's taken on that role. The mother in this scenario, has been carving her career in the corporate world, being the main bread winner. This has always worked fine for them. Unfortunately the marriage didn't work out so we come to the mother word again. To me the "mother" in the family has been the father, so it came to no surprise to me that Miss 16 would choose to live with him and move thousands of kms away from mother.
What does the word mother conjure up in your mind?
Mother - a powerful word. For most of us when we become mothers, it's as though we're finally complete, this is what life is all about, our days of playing dolls and dress ups are over, this is the real fairytale.
In our family, we had decided early on that I would be a stay at home mum, let's face it - it was my all time dream, my husband would work and be the "breadwinner". We have always been happy in these roles, it's only now when I look back and wonder how different my life would be now had I had a career as well as a family... but no point looking back, I didn't and I loved every minute (well most minutes) of it.
Mother - a powerful word. When people hear the word mother, it can conjure up many different emotions. I always thought a mother should be able to bake, sew, mend, keep a spotless home and look fabulous whilst doing it - I think I watched too much TV as a kid. Often while my children were growing up I've felt inadequate as I can't sew or mend, I don't bake, I don't do crafty things, I definitely don't keep a spotless home, sometimes I have to wonder what I'm good at. I asked my husband this the other night and he said I was "loyal and kind" I think he was talking about the dogs. After 24years I would have preferred "drop dead sexy and amazing" but alas, it's not to be.
Mother - a powerful word. In our extended family, without naming names, we have a 16yo girl who's parents have recently separated. Unfortunately this separation has gotten extremely ugly and has resulted in the girl moving away with her Dad. We've had many phone calls from people shocked to hear of this and the same theme throughout has been "how can you separate a child from her mother?" The image is that this girl has been dragged away from her poor helpless mother. The reality is that the father in the family has been the primary caregiver for all of her life. Sure the mother gave birth, but as for the rest of the nurturing, the father's taken on that role. The mother in this scenario, has been carving her career in the corporate world, being the main bread winner. This has always worked fine for them. Unfortunately the marriage didn't work out so we come to the mother word again. To me the "mother" in the family has been the father, so it came to no surprise to me that Miss 16 would choose to live with him and move thousands of kms away from mother.
What does the word mother conjure up in your mind?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
A week is a long time
Last week was a pretty emotional one for me. My middle child, Miss 21, embarked on an adventure of a lifetime. She's currently on a 24 day Contiki tour of Europe and will stay on in the UK to find work for the possibly the next 2 years.
Most of this trip has been encouraged by me, she contemplated going to uni instead and my words were "Uni, shmuni, it'll be there when you get back, you're only young once, travel" So I helped her plot and plan the trip, see here, and counted down the days.
I was so unprepared for how it would feel. The tears started as she said goodbye to her boyfriend of 3 years, she with steely determination, he and I with tears. At the airport as I hugged her, trying not to cry she told me off for hugging for too long. She'd already warned me she wanted no long teary goodbyes, short hugs with "see you later" were the order of the day. I was very good until she walked away and I just lost it. I cried the whole way up the freeway back to Newcastle.
The next day being Sunday, my poor husband didn't know what to do with me. He mentioned he was going to mow the lawn, I burst into tears, his response was "Seriously, I'm only mowing the lawn, it's not worth that is it" He just didn't get it. I ended up spending most of Sunday in my room so I didn't overreact to every little thing he did. Sunday evening I was feeling better, though when I went to bed and turned the front light out, a cloak of sadness wrapped around me, there's no-one coming home at night (Miss 21 worked nights).
Monday I cleaned her room out and also the bits and pieces she'd left behind in the bathroom. I felt as though I was wiping her from the house, silly I know, but that's how it felt.
A week is a long time, I'm no longer in tears when I think of her, I'm excited and proud. She's been wonderful, texting me every other day and she's having a ball. She's eaten snails in Paris, veal and cheese fondue in Switzerland and partied hard most nights.
As a mother I feel so proud of my 3 children who are all wonderful young adults. It's hard to let them go but it's a given, they don't stay with you forever.
Most of this trip has been encouraged by me, she contemplated going to uni instead and my words were "Uni, shmuni, it'll be there when you get back, you're only young once, travel" So I helped her plot and plan the trip, see here, and counted down the days.
I was so unprepared for how it would feel. The tears started as she said goodbye to her boyfriend of 3 years, she with steely determination, he and I with tears. At the airport as I hugged her, trying not to cry she told me off for hugging for too long. She'd already warned me she wanted no long teary goodbyes, short hugs with "see you later" were the order of the day. I was very good until she walked away and I just lost it. I cried the whole way up the freeway back to Newcastle.
The next day being Sunday, my poor husband didn't know what to do with me. He mentioned he was going to mow the lawn, I burst into tears, his response was "Seriously, I'm only mowing the lawn, it's not worth that is it" He just didn't get it. I ended up spending most of Sunday in my room so I didn't overreact to every little thing he did. Sunday evening I was feeling better, though when I went to bed and turned the front light out, a cloak of sadness wrapped around me, there's no-one coming home at night (Miss 21 worked nights).
Monday I cleaned her room out and also the bits and pieces she'd left behind in the bathroom. I felt as though I was wiping her from the house, silly I know, but that's how it felt.
A week is a long time, I'm no longer in tears when I think of her, I'm excited and proud. She's been wonderful, texting me every other day and she's having a ball. She's eaten snails in Paris, veal and cheese fondue in Switzerland and partied hard most nights.
As a mother I feel so proud of my 3 children who are all wonderful young adults. It's hard to let them go but it's a given, they don't stay with you forever.
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